Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Smacked me upside m'demo!


See that? I tried that tonight, and damnation if it didn't do exactly what I wanted it to do, and I'm pissed off about it! What is it? It's a bag of frozen veggies, a special bag, which somehow knows exactly how it should be cooked. Throw it in the microwave, give it a good zap, and veggies sans fuss.

So? Why be PO'd about that? Because it plays right into our worst tendencies, which tend to center around hope for the future. Now this thing has me thinkin'; if they can make a bag of veggies that knows when it's cooked, why not one that just throws itself on the plate? Or one that knows what condiments should be applied and, hell, why not just have them in the bag too!

Hell, why learn to cook? Someday We'll just be winging bags which are smarter than us, in ovens that are smarter than them, put on plates that are hellfire prettier than we are, complete with lazer-powered forks and knives that will track and shoot down wayward foods before they even think of getting close to our shirts, so I could shovel it in like Harvey Weinstein at a Coney Island SpeedEating Competition and come out minty fresh!
Naturally these foods will be of a quality that will make Per Se seem like a sack o' sliders; I expect nothing less.
I'm going back to the couch. Wake me up when they get there, willya?

Today, I know that when I cook badly, I did it! It's a triumph of me! No one else could screw it up like me! So, on those rare occasions when you don't screw it up, well....that's yours too. Better than perfect steaming every time...

Oh, I didn't have that particular collection of veggies. I just had broccoli.

3 comments:

Cynnie said...

Its sad when a plastic bag cooks better than i do ..
I burned boiled eggs the other day.

FOUR DINNERS said...

We're making intelligent food. We will suffer the consequences. Remember 'Attack of the killer tomatoes'?

The Old Fart said...

Remember what they used to say about TV dinners??