This post is not intended for the world, but the half a dozen of you who show up on occasion who understand the range of crisis that have been occuring here at Chez Fluffy Stuffin'. It's been two months of panic attacks, depression, sorrow, fear, and more existential dread than a Kirkegaard/Schoepenhauer festival, but for the moment things are in the clear. This happened last Thursday, and just now am I able to write about it. Let's make it clear: I'm not out of the woods just yet, and there is a bit more strategic pressure on me, but there is a plan, and I'm going to try and act on it as best as I can. Watch this space: In another month, I may well be climbing the walls again. We will work to prevent this. Why am I writing this post? To stand up and thank those who need thanking.
Firstly, I want to thank those in the blogosphere who have help me financially and emotionally. You know who you are, and I think what you did was both incredible and wonderful. We may never actually met, but I am grateful to you in ways that trancend mere appreciation. If there were a Karmic PayPal, you'd be gettin' emails from it.
Next, I want to thank those who, in an oddball fashion, are also trying to help, even if not directly. You know it comes back to you as well. One of you is trying to get the Fluffy novel published; if this event comes through, and I sense you know you can make it happen, what boons would I grant you? Don't use your imagination; let me use mine. If you step up, I promise I will 'Release the Kraken' and let my mind pour itself onto blank pages like Bondo on a '68 Chevy. I could do no less. Think about that.
I also want to tip the cap to my spiritual bodhisattvas, who keep the day alive within my mind. Who are these? They range from Nietzsche to Groucho to Ginger to Sandra to Old Tree Town itself, and without them, I have no structure grounding me to both art and living.
Lastly, I must save special space for Cammie; she is the family I have never had, worth more to me on a bad day than my biological family was on a good day. She's done something no one has ever done with/for me; she has invested in me. It's not just help, and it's not just placing some kind of pressure, but both put together tightly, all there to make me more human. I can only give what love and care I can to you Camie; we will pull each other through one mess after another, and I think that when we triumph it will also be together as well. Not just for ourselves, but for the Little Man as well! I can't forget how much of a help he is, even though, right now, I don't think he gets it. But he will, we'll make sure of that.
This crisis is not without a casualty. Someone I've known for a long time has called it quits on me. I was saddened by this at first, but upon further review, I should have punted this person a while back. If you can't hang when things get tough, exit to the left, more beer for the rest of us! If this is the only price I have to pay to get through this grief, wow, have I made out cheap! This, by far, is the surest sign I've gotten old; I used to spot the worthless a lot further off, and acted accordingly. Ah, well, I'm only human-all-too-human.