Thursday, August 24, 2006
The Fang Inquistor
See that fang-like thing on the yellow Post-It backdrop? Looks like a broken tooth doesn't it? Well, that's exactly what it is. More specifically, that's a part of my tooth. It fell out of my head today, too corrupt, too morally impure to stay in my head. The teeth that remain are the true Siberian cossacks; tough on top of tough, ready to schvitz in a gallon of Coke Blak if the Holy Mother insists on it and laugh while doing it.
Hell, this is Quisling isn't even the weak part of the same tooth; the other side might as well be wearing a grass skirt and telling the story of my life with its' hands for all the wiggling around it does in there. Where's my Dremel tool?
Although I have been known to fancy myself a Prince Myshkin type, I have no desire to bound up in some Dental Gulag of Despair; I'd LOVE a nice gleaming Autobahn of choppers, choppers I could rip Roger Moore's arm off with! (no chrome though -- maybe stucco!) So before I get the usual blah blah blah scolding: I don't have a dental plan, never have as an adult, and my father 'didn't believe in it' when everything could have been done for free back when Mustangs and Corvettes ruled the earth and I was knee high to an AC Cobra! I also lack money in vast quantites. I try to put a positive spin on things; one missing fanglet is not a 'missing tooth' but a Clitoral Port! But things continue to fall out of my head and soon I'll be an Honorary Pogue.
If I really thought a 'begging' site would work, I have a name for mine. The Fish Fang Fund. A Google map would be overlayed on each tooth, and clicking on it would reveal the state of that tooth. I might even use the Homeland Security Color Coding System with each one; it might be its first sensible use. As donations came in, I would go get the appropriate work done, complete with pictures and a narrative! (I do have a dentist whom I've used in dire situations, who's pretty cool, so a shout-out to Santine!) And when I'm finished? I'd either donate the subsequent funds to a general purpose dental fund, or perhaps pass on The Great Pirate Roberts title to someone else equally deserving...
Ah, well, pass the vodka and blinis...
Rest In Peace, Small Fluffy Bit of Ron