Welcome Chico, we're glad to have you explain the Iraq War to us!
Chico: I'm-a joost glad I can-a help.
First, Chico, what can you tell us about WMD?
Chico: My doc, he's-a say, "Baravelli, you must quit drinking," and I say, "Doc, you-a crazy!" But, sumagun, he's a-right, I quit drinking and I no see-a the WMD! The President, he's a-quit drinking too, so that explains it. It's a-simple when you think about it.
But what about the Straights of Hormuz?
Chico: Me, I seen-a that movie three times, and I still-a not know! Are they straights or hormuz? Groucho, he say-a to me, "If you can't tell that, I've got more land in Florida for you to invest in." But I gotta the rule: never invest-a ina da land of a clean sheep herder. Groucho, he say, "I'll bet if they offered you a cigar on Castro street, you'd take it," and I-a say, "I'm-a no smoke so close to Cuba, it's a bad for da digestion." I get-a bad case of the Abu grahib.
What about Abu Grahib?
Chico: OK, I lied, itsa-easy, I getta that after shellfish, too. A little-a bicarbonate fixa yoo right up.
What are your feelings on say, Blix? or Rice?
Chico: Blix and Rice? Atsa dance team, I think, workin-a' some dive near the East River.
No, no, Condelezza Rice!
Chico: Condelezza? She's that woman in the painting with-a the big smile. (Smiles) No wonder she-a dump-a that Blix guy, she's a gotta better job!
Chico: ZowCow-i? I'm a fine-a, Zow are you?
Do you have any feelings about the Kurds or the Shia?
Chico: Back in-a school, we do-a the skit about the Kurds and the tuffet, and the Little Miss Muffit, but we-a still too young, we know no She-a then! We let Zeppo do it, cause-a he knew-a the right whey.
The Sunni Triangle?
Chico: Ah, life, she's a good to me! I live-a in the California, the Florida, and the Italy, what more-a Sunni could you get a triangle?
Thank you Chico! Come back next week, folks, as Harpo explains the deficit as only he can!